new lappie...

elo... guess what?? i am blogging from my brand new laptop... haha... yeah!!! Hubby bought me a new laptop... It's a pink HP mini and i lurve it!!! well...well... my old laptop died on me on wed nite, and simply couldn't get it started again... and i definitely can't live without technology even for a day... thus, the new laptop... i am a lucky gerl!

well, well, been thinking a lot this past couple of days and have realised how blessed i am... should be thankful for all i have instead of complaining so much... it's about time...

that's all for now... will update more soon...till then, take carez ya?

luv,
sha

do i know what i want???

elo... just a short entry b4 i go to sleep... have a meeting in office early tmr morning... sucks big time... now there seems to be meetings every now and then... but not achieving much of its objective i must say...

well... well... i have received a letter from the co that i went for interview with last week and my application is not successful... would be lying if i say i am not disappointed... but frankly, i really dunno what i actually want... one meoment i was telling myself, i am not expecting anything out of the interview... i will let nature take its course... if it's meant to be, it's meant to be... but when i received the letter earlier 2day, i feel disappointed... so what is it that i actually want???

if it's meant to be, it's meant to be...

elo... lazing around watching mentalist now... hubby is up to his eyes with work, and busily tapping on his laptop... kiddos have been put to bed, but i can still hear giggles and conversations every now and then... i know that they have not sleep yet, but refuse to scold or check on them... they will drift off to sleep soon enuf... very proud that they have finally decided to sleep in their own bedroom now...

well... well... the reason for this entry is to share a little something... i have an interview tomorrow!!! yeah!!! funny though, i am kind of amused by the whole situation... just when i have decided that i've had enuf of the waiting game and decided on the alternative action plan, i received a call asking me to go down for interview tomorrow... will not reveal to much information here... but it is a position with my former "employer"... which one, u go figure... haha...

neway, this afternoon, Z actually msged me asking me a golden question... she asked whether i am angry with her over something? i simply replied that frankly, i was angry with her but i do not want to talk abt it as i don't want to blow matters out of proportion... she asked me to clarify with her abt the matter, but i simply kept quiet... frankly, i don't know whether to say it out loud or just to keep quiet about it... maybe keeping silent is agood move for now...

oklah, gonna watch a bit of tv and get some reading done... borrowed a couple of books from the library earlier... so gonna indulge in a bit of ME time... take care... see ya soon & hope things go well for me tomorrow ya?

bad day...

Damn... Just when i thot i had my feelings under control and have decided on the next step to take in life, i had a big quarrel with Mak just a while ago... What frustrates me is the fact that it is such a small matter, but has been blown out of proportion... And she just doesn't understand... Sad to say, being my mum for the past 28yrs still has not made her understand me...

i simply wanted her to know how i feel abt my unhappiness that my dad is starting to "give face" to a certain someone i shall just call Z... i dunno why but Z always has ways and means to make me feel insecure and inferior when she's around... i feel that i cannot trust her... i feel that she is trying to take what's rightfully mine - Hubby, my mum, my dad... Though she's nice to me, i always have a nagging feeling that it's all an act... it was fine when dad was not on good terms with her after she "backstabbed" him some time back... i got along fine with my parents... but now that dad has forgiven her and is on good terms with her again, i feel like shit again... i can't stand the sight of her always trying to get close to dad and mum... i feel that my place as a daughter has been jeopardized... why do i feel this way? i dunno... i feel that they prioritize her more than me... they "give face' more to her than to me...

i really don't want to feel this way... i didn't want to fight with my mum... i started off the conversation fine... i told mak that in future, i don't want to be at the same function that Z will be at coz i cannot accept the fact that she is always trying to get my parents' attention... i thot mak would understand... but apparently, she doesn't... she said that i never appreciate whatever that they had done for me... she said that she and abah were just nice to these people hypocritely and her immediate family is more important to her... but sadly, i don't feel that way... i feel outcasted each time i see them with Z...

i certainly did not start off the conversation with mak to end with a quarrel... i hate it when i am quarrelling with either one of my parents... i feel at an all time low... i feeel sick to my guts... i am venting my frustrations on my kids... why oh why must it end this way? if i knew, i might as well just keep my mouth shut...

somehow i feel that till the end of my life, i will always be misunderstood... no one will understand me... to thinkof it, do i even understand myself?

this week's update...

elo... been lazing around the entire morning till now, and dun really feel like getting up anytime soon... today is a low day in my life... from the moment i wake up, everything seems to be going wrong and i can't wait for the day to be over... told Mak that i dun feel too well and would not be going for kenduri later... she sounded rather pissed off... what can i do? i am juz not in the mood to humour others today...

this has been one busy week for me... let me update ya a little ok?

monday - went back to office for the stupid meeting only to discover that the toad was the one who was going to conduct the meeting... totally turned off... as usual, whatever we say would be countered back... that's his style of working... juz have to cover his ass... and dun bother abt others... he already pissed me off early in the morning by informing me that i have yet to complete an assignment when i know for sure that i have done... he is fond of adding things in at the last minute and complaining that we are not doing our job... i checked and true enuf, the idiot added the more stuff after i completed my part last friday... damn pissed but couldn't do anything... juz b4 i left, he stopped me as usual and showed me the draft of the email he was sending to our manager.. i read and said it was ok... i had a bad sore throat and felt feverish by the time i left office.. went to the clinic at Buangkok MRT and was told that i had throat infection... was given two days MC...

tuesday - was glad to be able to rest at home... received a call from a colleague and was informed to check my email... was so fed up when i checked... the idiot toad actually sent out the email that he showed me the previous day with an added line, "which i beg to differ"... he did not include that part when he first showed me the email... so he's the hero? we're all wrong and he's right? idiot!!! the longer i work with him, the more frustrated i get with him... hubby came back 1/2 day and we all went out... brought kids to playground, and then ice cream treat at McDonald's...

wednesday - juz lazed around at home and did some household chores...

thursday - my mgr called us all back for a meeting which was held at the cafe near our office... aired out all our grievances to her... but deep down, i dunno whether i can trust her or not... let's juz wait and see whether she keeps her promises and make changes or not... spent the afternoon in the office doing up my reports... left office at abt 5.45pm and headed to Vivo with colleagues... had dinner at earle swensens to celebrate Naheem's belated bday... Hubby and kids joined me there...

and here we are... friday's here... not in the best of mood, but looking fwd to changing it... i am in control of myself rite? wouldn't want to spend the entire wkend feeling down...Hubby working on 24hr shift today, so it will be juz be me and kids at home tonite... maybe i should bring them out... juz spend some quality time with them...

u know what? my horoscope for the day said...tonight you can turn your worries to God, and have a good night's sleep. You've been worrying too much about the future lately. So tonight, go ahead, put your faith in God, and just have a peaceful evening and a restful sleep...

somehow i feel that it is true... and i shall heed the advice... i wanna feel good when i wake up tomorrow...

lazy sunday...

elo there... got a bit of time on my hands now, so decided to update u a bit... Hubby is wrking tonite, so i am alone with my two princesses... they are yakking non-stop among themselves while watching tv... sometimes i wish i have the energy and positivity that they have... being a child is the best time of our lives huh??

well... well... for me, now that i have made up my mind, i feel ok i guess... i dun realli bother stressing myself too much... talked to Hubby abt it, and he's ok with my decision too... in fact, he's just worried whether i will be able to tolerate the kids nonsense full time... i know i can... and i am still praying for the best... i have not stopped on my job hunt too... giving myself one final month to secure a job... if i can't, i will just be a SAHM, a job i know i can be very good at if i put my heart into it... let's see...

have to go back to the darn office tomorrow for a darn stupid meeting... so sick and tired... yesterday i was already damn pissed to have to be working on a Saturday... i came back home with a terrible headache that lasted the entire day.. luckily Bai gave me some medication when i visitted his place, at least my headache subsided a little... today i feel rather weak, so told Hubby that i didn't feel like going out... we stayed home the entire day... and now that Hubby has gone to work, i am juz lazing around doing practically nothing... thought i wanna do some reports... but dun feel like it...

oklah, wanna watch 'Tangisan Bulan Madu'... see ya soon...

mind made up...

elo... i am on leave today and tomorrow... so glad to be able to take a break from the stress of work for awhile... gonna be busy after this as i need to cook and clean my house... having guests over later tonite... thot i should update u a little...

i have finally made up my mind... i told myself that i cannot carry on this way... living in misery daily thinking of what the future holds for me... i have decided and for once, i feel good... will keep u informed of the solutions that i have come up with... most importantly, whether or not i get a new job, i know that i have to struggle in that idiotic office for at most 2 more mths... yes!!! so happy to finally be able to make up my mind... i know that it is not going to be easy... but i know i can do it... i have gone thru it b4 and i will perservere and go thru it again....

so do pray for me that i can stick to my plans... need to discuss with Hubby too... see ya...